15 Movies Nobody Should Ever Watch

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Film is a beautiful medium. Those enraptured in this medium of dreams can get caught up in the zest and vigor that a given film can incite within the viewer. Films can be anything—transformative, life-affirming, life-changing, entertaining, or transcendent. However, the real detritus of film culture often gets overlooked in film discussions. These are the worst of the worst—the absolute disasters that litter the film world. 

Today, we’ll look at some of the worst films ever made. Not all of these films are entertaining or watchable, but they represent the absolute worst that the art form offers. Strap yourself in and prepare for a ride through the worst of cinema history.

1. The Room (2003)

In theory, Tommy Wiseau’s beguiling and hilarious opus is a melodrama infamous for its bizarre—often wooden—dialogue, nonsensical plot, and perplexing characters. The film follows the exploits of a man who suspects his wife is cheating on him with his best friend. The film’s production was chronicled in co-star Greg Sestero’s seminal novel, The Disaster Artist.

2. Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

This low-budget “horror” film about killer birds—a loose remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds—is filled with cringe-inducing CGI and a hackneyed environmental message. Two sequels would follow, though the Sharknado Disease would plague them. Self-aware schlock is nowhere near as fun as schlock that is made in earnest. The original film, however, is worth seeking out.

3. Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Often cited as the worst film ever made, this low-budget horror film is not for the average human mind. What is seemingly a standard exploitation film about a cult of Satanists becomes a beguiling transmission from a dimension far beyond our own. This film can work wonders if you’re dialed into its frequency. All others, stay away.

4. Gigli (2003)

Starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, this romantic comedy is widely regarded as one of the biggest flops ever produced by a major studio, thanks to its cringe-inducing dialogue and lack of chemistry between the leads who, may I remind you, were a real couple at the time the film was made. A director as skilled as Midnight Run filmmaker Martin Brest should know better than this hackneyed misfire.

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5. Battlefield Earth (2000)

Based on the best-selling novel by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, this sci-fi epic is one of the most peculiar films ever given funding by a major studio. Directed by George Lucas protégé and visual effects artist Roger Christian, the film’s convoluted plotting and ugly cinematography—so many Dutch angles—make for a thoroughly unpleasant experience.

6. Catwoman (2004)

Halle Berry’s portrayal of the iconic DC Comics character is a nonsensical mess. One-named director Pitof throws every garish-looking visual idea he has into this dead-on-arrival adaptation that, unlike our titular heroine’s feline counterpart, never quite sticks the landing.

7. Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Based on the Wattpad-fan-fiction-turned-erotica by E.L. James, this film is criticized for its lackluster chemistry between the leads and problematic portrayal of BDSM. The best part, Christian Grey’s sex dungeon comes equipped with an Xbox 360. Yippee!

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8. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)

A Christmas Story director Bob Clark proves that it takes a true maverick of cinema to produce some of the best and worst films the medium has to offer. This family film is, in theory, a comedy, but it contains some of the most unintentionally frightening visual effects the cinema offers. It’s an ugly, obnoxious film that doesn’t deserve the pedigree of the director of Black Christmas, although some might argue that this film is just as horrifying.

9. Disaster Movie (2008)

This is the worst film ever made. There is nothing more that can be said or should be said. It’s a completely unwatchable piece of cynical dreck. Avoid at all costs, lest you lose your sense of sanity.

10. The Love Guru (2008)

An offensive, juvenile piece of late-2000s racism comes to theater screens courtesy of Mike Myers. It is a passion project ten years in the making, though you couldn’t tell by watching the final product. They say the worst kind of film is a bad comedy, and, in this case, they’d be more than correct.

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11. The Emoji Movie (2017)

A shameless piece of corporate synergy disguised as filmmaking, this offensive piece of dreck follows the exploits of an emoji who’s burdened with having more than one expression. The only thing worse than being sentient is being subjected to this sorry excuse for an animated film.

12. Foodfight! (2012)

Another entry in the canon of animated films that shamelessly try and advertise to children, this fear-inducing abomination from the producer of the Mortal Kombat series, of all things, chronicles a dog detective in a grocery store who must investigate the disappearance of certain brand mascots in favor of the new Brand X. The silliness of this plot description betrays the experience of actually watching the film, which is a painful slog. Ignore!

13. Who’s Your Caddy? (2007)

Where to even start with this one? It’s called Who’s Your Caddy, for goodness’s sake! It is former President Bill Clinton’s favorite comedy, so it has that going for it.

14. The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)

This Paris Hilton-starring vehicle follows one man’s attempts to date Paris Hilton while also falling in love with her “repulsive” friend. It takes a lot of guts to make a film as transparently vulgar and mean-spirited as this one. Was it worth it? 

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15. Cool Cat Saves the Kids! (2015) 

The vanity project of a deluded Derek Savage, the film purports to be a safety film about how bullying is an epidemic among children of the smartphone generation. What should be an educational film becomes a bizarre odyssey through all of Derek Savage’s Los Angeles friends, including Eric Roberts and Vivica A. Fox. It also raises odd questions about how an anthropomorphic cat can raise a child with a human man, but that’s neither here nor there.

 

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